Flashback: on Friday, I experienced my first day without breakfast. Situation that happens maybe twice year, when I go for blood tests. Or the day after a C-section. If that. Let’s just say I was not overconfident. What if I faint on the way to school? What if my heart gives way? What if I suffer from an orphan disease that causes lower limbs paralysis in case of morning malnourishment?
Ok, now I know the answer to Dr. Zermati’s harmless question: yes, being hungry is scary.
As far as the reason of the fear is concerned, I admit that it is still a grey area. Right, shall I tell you about that crazy morning?
– 6h45: The alarm clock rings, I’m so happy, it’s time for breakfast.
– 6h46: My brain just connected. Actually it’s time to start fasting. I want to die.
– 6h47: Good news is I get an extra fifteen minutes’ sleep. On top of that, “he who sleeps forgets his hunger”, so it’s a good deal.
– 6h49: Am I starting to be hungry?
– 6h50: I will actually get up to check my weight, I feel Wi-Fi connected to my scale this morning, I must have lost one kilo simply by planning to skip a meal. Since slimming down comes from your mind.
– 6h51: Apparently my scale is not aware that slimming down comes from your mind.
– 7h02: What’s awesome with skipping breakfast is that I will enjoy being with my kids for fifteen more minutes. In a mother’s life, it’s no mean feat.
– 7h04: My daughter takes advantage of these fifteen minutes to share her qualms about her outfits. I sense we’ll live a true mother-daughter moment and I completely forget about my hunger. Slimming down does come from your mind!
– 7h05: In front of a packed wardrobe, my lovely daughter explains without a blink that she has nothing to wear. Reason given: you don’t wear skirts anymore in 4th grade. Only jeans. But her only pairs is dirty.
– 7h07: To my knowledge I bought a dozen or so pairs of jeans in the last six months, I kindly object. ‘Kindly’ because it is important to build relationships based on truth with your children. “Yes but only one of them is slim”. For sure, that is an issue I don’t have. All my jeans are slim. Even my harem pants are slim. I’ve made up my mind, I’ll also skip lunch.
– 7h08: I breath from my – empty – belly and suggest three different outfits to my daughter. But really, this bond we’re building is awesome. All this thanks to my dietary move. Honestly food is a waste of time and harms family harmony. I feel like writing a song right now.
– 7h09: None of the outfits I had put together with love pleases my daughter who stays in her panties sighting in front of her cupboard. She gives me a dismayed look at every suggestion. When I ask her, slightly on my nerves, what she would really like to wear so that I don’t waste my extra fifteen minutes playing fashion editor for nothing, she mumbles stuffs I don’t understand. Or maybe hunger made me death.
– 7h11: If I don’t eat sometime within a second I’ll have her swallow her dirty jeans.
– 7h12: I end up chucking out half of her clothes and giving up while explaining that I don’t want to start the day with a fight. I also warn that all skirts, dresses and leggings bought with the fruits of my toil will be, as soon as tomorrow, distributed to little girls who really need them. Carried away by enthusiasm, I also suggest that she changes house and mum if hers is not to her taste.
– 7h13: I’m super impressed, not eating doesn’t affect my self-control.
– 8h00: After forbidding my son to watch TV for the next two months because of crumbs on floor, grounding Rose until her legal age and starting a sex strike against my man without valid reasons for these last two punishments, I left unfazed for work. Not without stuffing my bag with snacks in case of a possible weakness on the way.
– 8h22: I’m extremely surprised, I manage to walk to the bus without collapsing. Could it be that I have reserves? I almost feel good even.
– 8h23: it may be the case that I am producing endorphins like marathon runners.
– 8h25: now for sure I’m slimmer, my body is burning calories like crazy. It makes feel so great that during lunch break I am of to Zara to try a size 10 carrot-pants.
– 8h29: I am right in the middle of a transcendental experience. In my opinion fast causes a chemical reaction in my brain. It’s as if I were floating on an ocean of happiness. I could conquer the world, without one single muffin. I am wondering if all that inside confidence isn’t a bit dangerous.
– 8h34: I feel sick. It must be a sign sent by my body. Luckily I am listening to it, poor thing. Now, it is a major situation. I might have a little snack. Especially, if you consider that I usually have breakfast at 6h45, you can say that I resisted a good lot. Willpower is everything…
– 8h35: Or maybe it is gastroenteritis.
– 8h37: Or maybe my body is getting purified. And I am that close to screw it all with my snack.
– 8h39: I am completely lost. It is hard to get to know hunger.
– 8h40: I put my snack back in my bag. I can hang in there, yes I can.
– 8h41: Maybe I’ll never ever feel like eating anymore.
– 8h43: I feel very close to Gandhi
– 9h00: I get to my office. I am wondering if the fact I am in touch with my inner self – and Gandhi as well – is showing on my face.
– 9h02: “You have flu or what? You look bad” asks the first colleague I come across.
– 9h05: Zermati forgive him, he doesn’t know what he eats.
– 9h10: I start working while eyeing the croissants I just bought for my meal which I’ll have when I’m really hungry.
– 9h13: I took two in case one is not enough but I am so in touch with my inner self that I’ll catch satiety after two bites. I should have taken a mini pastry, plus I hate wasting.
– 9h17: do shivers mean that my body is getting detoxified from food or am I that close from catalepsy?
– 9h23: Respect to all hunger strikers in the world.
– 9h27: I stumble to the toilet, just to double check that gastroenteritis thing in any case. Because of the sweats. And stomach cramps.
– 9h29: I want to eat toilet paper roll. I say it’s the beginning of hunger.
– 9h32: I’ll hold on until 10h, my honor is at stake.
– 9h46: how fast my metabolism must be going. For sure my enzymes must be tucking into my second layer of fat. Prada thigh boots here I come. What an amazing machine human body is when you think about it. You just need to let go and everything come back in order.
– 9h48: My mind is made up, I’ll have only half of a croissant, too bad for wastage. The worst part is that it’s not a matter of willpower, I just totally changed my relationship with food.
– 9h57: Which doesn’t actually mean I’ll let myself die.
– 9h59: Yet, eating only half of a croissant would be almost suicidal. I have kids, come on!
– 10h00: You don’t put on weight when you are hungry.
– 10h10: I am not far from satiety, I can feel it. But, I say, eating the second croissant will confirm it. Plus, I’ll eat again only when I’ll be again very hungry. Maybe it will be around 20h. Or even tomorrow. Come on I won’t be able to hang in there for 48h with only one croissant in the belly, right?
– 10h12: Even Gandhi would have gobbled up that second one.
– 10h14: It’s easy to listen to your body. Bring on the next hunger crisis, damn it!
