To eat more slowly and to focus solely on eating during meals.
These are the two tips – at first sight trivial – with which I left after my one hour consultation with the famous doctor Zermati.
Yes, I know, you could think that with a consultation costing 100 Euros, it is a pricy moderato chewing.
But there hasn’t been only this, obviously. And above all, it was a first appointment, an initial contact, a first touch, may I say…
So how did it go, this last chance Zermati-dating?
First of all, would you believe, I almost didn’t make it in time by dint of staying home, think continuously, like a mantra: “I’m gonna be late, so he’ll refuse to see me”.
Too bad for Mrs. Very Brave, the subway went so fast that at 14h sharp I was in front of the door of the white doctor’s room on de Ponthieu street in the 8th Arrondissement, yes ladies, I confirm, our kilos enrich endocrinologists.
I’ll skip the few minutes wait during which I felt nauseous as if I were going to take the Bac’s French oral again (1). On top of that I’ve skipped Rousseau and, there we go, I draw “Reveries of a Solitary Walker”, thank you life.
And then, just when I was seriously considering running away, here he came, smiling, out of his consulting room.
For those who have not seen him on TV, I would describe him as a middle aged man, not so tall, dark haired with glasses and slim – but this is specific to his job, not sure I would trust an obese nutritionist, I know that’s stupid.
“What brings you here?” he asked once seated in front of me. I thought about Nip-Tuck and its two sexes on legs of plastic surgeons who always ask their patients this ritual question, even when the reason sticks out like a sore thumb.
“Well, I have a whitlow, and I thought, taking into account your fame…”
No, of course, I did not show off and replied very obediently, because I guess it is the beginning of something to actually put into words the reason of the move.
“I would like to put an end to my disastrous relationship with food.”
He seemed slightly surprised that I did not simply say that I wanted to slim down.
I am no fool anymore, see!
From this moment, he asked a whole bunch of questions on my life, from my birth in Toulon in 1971, till today. He took note of my siblings’ names, went through my diets history, and established my weight’s chronology.
It is actually not so harmless an exercise, it strikes a painful nerve, with memories of very lengthy snack times when coming back from school, of night raids in my friends Bea’s cupboards, 45 kilos for 25 years but always in for escabeche(2) tuna at around 3 in the morning.
Bottom-line, between diets that have made me gain weight since teen years and my cursed by bitch Mother Nature metabolism, my “set point” could be around 65 – 70 kilos, or so it seems.
No objections, I said. At this level, I feel balanced and am able to stabilize my weight while eating my fill.
Issue: I am slightly over this set point since Rose’s birth.
Here it is, from now on, we will try to identify the reasons of my cravings, consequences, according to this dear doctor, of challenges dealing with my emotions.
When he said so, it stung my eyes a bit and I think he noticed it.
For the next appointment, in 2 weeks’ time, I have to keep a food diary (too easy, it’s at least my 20th) in which I will have to write down what I felt when eating, with whom and what I was doing during that time.
Keeping in mind that one should do nothing else but eating during meals and that it is an issue for me who doesn’t know how to eat or have a poo without reading everything I have before my eyes, from Frosties’s ingredients to that j***k of Laurent Joffrin’s editorial.
Edit: Yes, our national social security system refunds these consultations and yes I feel a bit guilty to have it pay for “this”. However, a little bird told me that overweight can cause loads of troubles when we get older. So, in the end, it’s not that bad to anticipate, is it?
Edit2: Yes, this is the set of pictures that triggered it all. Paradoxically, I love the joy that emanates from them, because, of course, it was a happy moment. Ironic, isn’t it? …
(1)TN: Bac, short for Baccalauréat, is the French set of exams that students have to pass in order to graduate high school.
(2)TN: Escabeche is a spicy cold marinade. Escabeche tuna is often found in France readymade in tins and commonly stored by households.
