Ok, come on, let me finish this story. You might be disappointed because, you’ll see, I’ve seen no Johnny… only Jack. But not the one you think of…
No kidding, I was not convinced when I left and my heart was won when I came back. A very nice musical moment, thanks to the slender and graceful presence of Vanessa Paradis and to Matthieu Chédid’s genius who doesn’t spare himself for the one who seems to be his soul mate.
Come on, let’s go!
20h30: The hall is full and everybody’s calling Vanessa. Zaz thinks I didn’t see it but her eyes are wet.
20h33: It’s all fun and games all these emotions but I have a precise goal here. So before lights are turned down, I scan the whole place to find my grrrrrrr…Johnny.
20h34: Right above us, there’s a balcony and a little blond girl swings. She looks like an angel. It seems…
20h35: I’m going to faint.
20h36: This child has Jack Sparrow’s blood in her vein, I’m positive.
20h37: Alright, she’s the spitting image of her mother.
20h38: I tell Zaz there’s Vanessa Paradis when she was 7 right above her.
20h39: With Zaz we just spotted Vanessa Junior’s little brother. Jack.
20h40: We’re aware that fantasizing on a four years old child is shady.
20h41: Ok, it’s liable to prison.
20h42: But he’s his father’s son, we should be able to get along in court, shouldn’t we?
20h43: I can’t help telling my neighbor that Vanessa’s kids are right above our heads.
20h44: Now the entire hall is aware that Johnny’s brood is right above our head.
20h45: Zaz tells me I could have more respect for Vanessa’s intimacy. She finds it very cute, these small ones waiting for their mum.
20h46: The issue is that I don’t buy the whole perfect woman, perfect mum and perfect spouse scenario. No matter how hard I try, I’m not moved. And sorry but I’m here to see an artist, not a mum, right now.
20h52: For sure Johnny is behind his offspring.
20h53: The man warns me that should I keep crushing him trying to see Johnny, he’ll puke the accras on me.
20h56: Lights are turned down. Everyone screams Vanessa’s name. That group hysteria is amazing. Too bad I’m not a fan. I’m not going to force myself though.
20h57: Screams are even louder.
20h58: Alright, it’s impressive.
20h59: I’m crying just to stick together with Zaz. That is so me.
21h00: Vanessa arrives with Matthieu Chedid.
21h01: She is very small and he is very tall. You’d think he wants everything to be soft around her. I think I understand why she gets on my nerves. It’s because she’s the kind of girls who’s prettier when they cry. And whom boys always want to comfort.
21h02: Just like my friend Béa in 9th grade.
21h06: When I was crying I was given a good slap in the back and told “cry more you’ll pee less”.
21h09: Fuck Vanessa is bringing back strong stuff from my past.
21h12: She’s singing Divinidylle.
21h14: Her voice is unsteady but she’s going for it. It’s annoying but I too want everything to be soft around her.
21h17: She sings “Dis lui toi que je t’aime”. I know it by heart.
21h19: Tandem too.
21h22: « Joooooooe, vas-yyyyyy Jooooooooooeeee !!! Vaaaaaaas, yyyyyyyyyyy, foooooooooooonce ! [1]» All those memories from my youth.
21h34: Zaz tells me it’s now clear I know all her repertory by heart.
21h45: She sings “Les revenants” from her last album. Her voice is deep, assured. I always knew that girl’s a diva.
21h55: “She sings well, doesn’t she?” I tell the man. “Oh yeay she’s got a nice ass!” he answers.
21h58: Lesson n°3 about marriage: once you’re married you don’t speak the same language.
22h00: Vanessa keeps looking at the balcony. I find the communion between the artist and the mother so beautiful. It reminds me an episode of Sissi when she throws herself into her daughter’s arms and all the bad Italians, who didn’t want her, scream “viva la mamma”.
22h02: The man asks why I’m weeping. He promises that even if she’s got an awesome ass, I am his own Grand Meaulnes.
22h04: I prefer not to tell him I’m crying because I’m a big bitter Italian and I feel like screaming “viva la mamma”.
22h23: In between two songs, small Jack yells “Mummy!”
22h25: Every mum in the hall is crying.
22h27: With Zaz, we cry too but it’s because we’ve had enough with accras.
22h35: It’s over. Vanessa comes back for two recalls. She says she loves us but with Zaz we both know she’s thinking of her Johnny. Her “because of the why“, as she says.
22h37: I warn the man he’d better not make fun and allude to the fact she might be on stuffs, it’s just not class.
22h40: Jack and Lili Rose applaud a lot.
22h42: When I think I was that close to break a family.
22h43: Come on Johnny, you can show yourself. I’m not even looking at you. Only, if I can… your…. Alright, I’m out.
Last week, my friend Zaz, the man and I went to Vanessa Paradis’ concert preview, in a small hall, not even in Paris. Right, I wish I could tell you it was thanks to my fame but I have to face the facts, I’m not yet in Universal’s listings. The truth is my friend Severine works in show-business and thus had the information about the preview. Then, we booked our ticket like everyone else and paid for them. We even had to book another show to get the right to attend this one. In Marne La Vallée. Right when we just sold our crappy car. But, you have to admit nothing’s too good to see Johnn… hum, Vanessa…
